trust the bluer skies: Meditations on Fatherhood by paulo da costa

It had been a while since I last saw you and I was eager to see you again, this time on a cold February night at Casa do Alentejo in Toronto where you came to spend an evening with a group of Portuguese readers interested in hearing what you had to say about your new book, trust the bluer skies: meditations on fatherhood.

It was worth staying up late, me who likes to go to bed early in winter, not just to connect with you for a few moments in the physical world, but to come away with your book, your latest words to savour and digest in the silence and stillness of my home, where I spent time with you again, through the pages you gifted Koah, your beloved four year old son; and so generously shared this intimate father and son epistle with your readers, querido paulo.

It felt intrusive at first, like coming upon a letter meant for someone else, revealing intimate details and a revelation of the soul meant only for the eyes of the beloved, and yet, as I read on, I was drawn in to learning about your five month journey to Portugal’s Vale de Cambra, where you gave your little son the richest gift of all: your time, your instruction as a father, your family back home, your landscape of mountains and farms and the beauty of a Portugal you had spent time in your youth before settling in Victoria, Canada.

You took your family; your wife and little daughter are there, too, powerfully present but silent, so that we, as readers, won’t be distracted by the relationship you have with Koah.  How lucky he is, your son, to have this memoir you have written for him. I hope that when he’s older he will come to appreciate the value of the experiences you have given him when he was a little boy.

I can’t tell you how many times, as I kept on reading about your tenderness for Koah, I wished my own father had left me something as profoundly beautiful as your written account of a visit to the past, to discover a rich paternal heritage in the hills of Portugal so that your son could bring it back with him to Canada for his future.

A journey into Portuguese culture, at times amusing, especially the chapter on futebol, questioning that national sacred symbol of identity for most men and boys, when Koah simply just wants to kick a ball around and have fun. The chapter on the relationship with farm animals is heartbreaking to me because I share your values, dear paulo, and so I understood the struggle to make peace with dear family members who continue to live with an old-fashioned treatment and understanding of animals.

You offer Koah alternative thinking and options on everything from the environment, social media, food, culture, and what it means to be a Portuguese Canadian.

Your journey ended five months later with a return trip to Canada, your home. But the question of where is your home remains there for the next time you take Koah back to Portugal, another home.

Readers can look forward to a good read in your trust the bluer skies; they will be able to question their own values and their own ideas about gender stereotypes, identity, belonging and fatherhood; for this alone, I give you a grande obrigado, a big thank you, for letting us inside your world of father and son.